Clear Lake

So even though the kids and I mostly really like it out here in Keenesburg, it's been sort of a drag for Aaron who is only happy when he is surrounded by trees, water, and fresh mountain air (if he is not flying an airplane, that is). The plains to him, are just, well, plain. So Tuesday we all loaded up in the Landcruiser and drove two hours to Georgetown. Just above this cute little town with old homes and a very main street-y Main Street is Clear Lake.

Gorgeous ain't it?

It's not so much a spot for swimming as it is for fishing, which is what we sort of set out to do. Now, keep in mind, The Sallee's aren't a fishing family. Not by a long shot. We have poles, sure. We even have tackle. Have we ever caught a fish? No. Would we be able to cook or eat said fish should we catch it? No. Nevermind the fact that Aaron is horribly allergic to fish. So, despite the fact that we have nothing to do with a fish should we catch one, nor do any of us have the patience necessary to sit longer than an hour to try to do so...we came here, to this beautiful spot, to try to catch a fish.

Owen was just SO excited! I remember Bradley's first fishing trip. His face looked much the same as this. All bright eyed and bushy-tailed. Until we actually caught the fish. Then he was TERRIFIED! Don't worry, Ow, there are NO experienced fishermen on this excursion.

Brooke just wants a nibble. She thinks every bubble or a ripple is a juicy fish and is SO impatient to reel it in! Mostly, her job is to look cute. Mission accomplished!

Call this one: Smart Alec Dad with Teenager. "Lookit me!" he says, "I am having oh so much fun today!" Sarah had finally stopped boobing about walking around in the wetlands and getting soaked and was finally enjoying herself.

The grownups in this scenario do not have fishing licenses (not a fishing family...keep this in mind). So dad can bait and cast, but the kids actually doing the fishing. This leaves mom to wander around, taking in the flora and fauna and the landscape.

After a few of these trips, we figured out that we have FOUR big reasons we never catch any fish. So Dad and Brad decided to take off on their own to find a quiet, shady little area...

My handsome fishermen

While the "men" are away, Sarah and I are left to clean up a bit of mess that Bradley left behind. While on a nature walk, big brother Brad took Owen and Brooke through knee high water in pursuit of frogs, grasshoppers and fish. Now, when I say knee high water, it was knee high for Brad, making it waist high for Brooke, and neck high for Owen.

Wet and Cranky!

Overall it was a fun day! The fish of Clear Lake, despite many nibbles and frantic reeling, swim away to fight another day. The sun was kind and mostly stayed behind the clouds to keep the fair skinned Sallees from burning to a crisp, but warm enough to dry the half-drowned rugrats.

Wednesday

This is the hardest part about blogging. The days when there's nothing exciting or constructive to say. Or the days when there are dozens of things in my head and I don't know where to start. I'll just start by saying I am not really sure what kind of day this is. So if you're easily bored you can just skip today's entry. It's okay, I won't get all butt hurt. I try as much as possible to read every word of my friend's blogs but if aimless rambling isn't your thing...don't worry I get it! =)

As I mentioned before I have decided to take some time off of school. I also won't be attending choir for the rest of the summer. After my last day subbing in Primary (which I LOVE, it's a blast!) for Connie I'll be without a calling 'til Seminary rolls back around this fall. I am slowly but surely moving my focus entirely to my family. It makes me a little nervous because it's not something I am used to doing. A really good friend of mine told me about some advice she had received about placing too much focus on other things instead of addressing the issues. I want to make sure that I am not doing that.

The thing most prominent on my mind right now is my mom having to put her chocolate Lab down today-my baby brother, Suede. He's always been sick-epilepsy, and has been suffering from a tumor in his lung. I am sad for my mom and her husband because their dogs are like their kids. Left behind is my little sister, Cassie-their 13 year old yellow Lab. I worry that she won't last long now that Suede is gone and that will leave my mom mostly alone. Her husband had to take a job far away and he has to be away from home a great deal. At the same time, as anyone with an animal knows, the responsibility for taking care of two large, aging dogs can also be quite a burden. I hope that with the sorrow, the easing of this major burden will be somewhat of a comfort to her.

I want to rant here about how important it is to make sure your parenting style and that of your spouse match or at least can co-exist in the same house-but I am just too exhausted and tired of the topic for today. I am really enjoying reading every one else's blogs. They are both funny and inspiring. I am in the best ward EVER! =) maybe I am a just a little biased...

Morning scripture study

For the last month or so, we have started every morning by reading scriptures as a family. Usually only one chapter a day so that my little ones can participate as well. I am proud to say that today was no exception. Anyone who knows me well may understand that forming GOOD habits is not really my forte. In the 12 years that I have belonged to the church I have never actually finished the Book of Mormon on my own-just in class, and we ALL know that doesn't really count. We're currently in 2 Nephi and today we read about the need for opposition in all things and the gift of agency. It is powerful to read the following, especially at this time of year when we are celebrating our independence as a country:
"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are FREE to choose liberty and eternal life through the great Mediator of all men...."(2 Nephi 2:27, emphasis added)
Following the story of Lehi and his family from Nephi's perspective gives me a new appreciation and understanding of this land being given to us if we CHOOSE to live righteously. I strive every day to deserve the gift of liberty. I love my country (even if I sometimes fear my government).

Starting Over due to Postive Peer Pressure

Apparently I am giving into the peer pressure and reviving my blog! Some of my very best favorite people blog and so I am going to give it a try...especially since I have extra time these days.

I officially decided this morning to take a break from school for the rest of the summer. I hope anyone feeling anxiety about this will believe me when I say it's only until Fall quarter. All of the pressure that I have been able to "ride" through since Aaron got furloughed in March has finally caught up with me and I just can't think straight. It also helps not at all that the instructors I got this quarter were far from flexible. This decision comes after a great deal of soul searching and fervent prayer. I feel peace for the first time in weeks.

I am going to take the time I would have spent everyday working on assignments to work on myself. I no longer have an excuse to avoid exercise. I know I am not ever going to be a super model (heck, in reality, who is?) but I want to work on being healthy. And here is a declaration: I am not going to judge my self worth according to the number on the scale or the size of my dresses. I just want to be active and strong. I am also going to walk with my kids, walk Isis, and enjoy more of what this beautiful state has to offer.

So here's to a fresh new Monday morning. For the first time since December 2007 I do not have a looming deadline. I have good friends, a beautiful home, gorgeous, fun, brilliant kids, and an eternal companion who challenges me every day and helps me to grow as a person. Hopefully further entries will be less contemplative and more interesting, but hey, it's been over two years!

Acid

This is the opposite of falling in love. This isn't butterflies...this is swirling, burning, sickening, caustic acid. Why does my mind always come here when he acts this way? I go into survival mode...wondering how much money I can take and how far I can drive before I chicken out and turn back around. I wonder what it will do to my kids...if they will wonder if it is their fault. I wonder what it will do to me? I know that I won't ever want to live with another man. I know that my spirit will just be broken. Even though I know my marriage isn't falling apart because of the church, I am not sure I could keep going...it would just be this constant reminder of how hard I tried to have that kind of marriage and couldn't keep it together. It makes it so much worse when I let down my guard down and whore myself out to him and then he does this. I replay it over and over and over and I don't know exactly where it went wrong. I ask myself what it wrong with my marriage...is he mean, does he beat me? No. Is he lazy, does he refuse to work? No. Does he cheat on me? Not that I know of...if he is he does a really incredible job of hiding it. Maybe it is just that we are both broken. He is so negative...it just drives me crazy. Love covers a multitude of sins...but at what point to agree that we just aren't happy anymore? Was he ever happy? Has he even been happy since he "cleaned" up? I'm done for now...

Negative Creep

Did I really choose this? I mean I understand the whole yin-yang thing...balance in the universe and all that. BUT I LIKE being positive, I LIKE seeing the sunny side, finding the silver lining. Could I really have meant to align myself with the grayest cloud in the sky?

Cold Comfort

Is my anniversary overrated? Are they overrated in general? And even if they are should that make me feel any better that my husband doesn't even bother anymore? I somehow managed to ruin my own mother's day by wanting my husband to go to CA with me. So I didn't get my present...which would have been a desk I suppose (tres romantique, no?) but because of my trip I got nothing NOTHING except for a fight with my husband because I had the audacity to be injured over being forgotten...I at least plan on getting him something because I refuse to stop being myself just because he is insensitive.

Ode to Peonnies

Oh Jaymes where are ya? I am somewhat lost without you here. I got your message. It was a bright spot in my day of traveling between SLC and SGU. I work in the airline industry now I may as well start talking in three letter identifiers, eh? I am so torn. I love it here in Southern Utah, I love this house; the feeling I get here of finally being "home". Still, we are in pretty big trouble. Our funds are quickly dwindling and now he is even contemplating taking a job drving a truck at the mine with his bro in law. It wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't this impending feeling of doom every time he brings it up. Apparently taking this job to pay the bills now means he must "write-off" aviation. I asked him if he will still look for work and he pretty much said no....that this is "it" the "end of the line". Well all I know is that living with him is going to be impossible as soon as the depression hits. It will be a whole new level of depression heretofore unseen. He says his priority is being home every night and providing for the family. His priority has always been to stay in the sky. I guess we will see what's really going to happen...

Am I Really THIS old?

We began the ritual of my eldest's 12th birthday today with the aunts. Manicures and pedicures and then lunch. We managed to have a lot of fun despite the frustration of everyday family issues. Next Saturday we are driving down to lunch and shop with "Bink" and then on her actual birthday I am planning on taking her and a friend for dinner and a movie. I somehow managed to tick off my significant other today and now am being silently punished. I have so much to do and yet if I don't sit right by him it's because "I can't stand being in the same room". Yikes someone save me from the drama!

Owen the Great...

My son turned over last night. He is already 4 months old and we were a little worried he was falling behind since his Native Air compadre had been doing it for weeks. He has been eating solid food for weeks now and has cut two teeth on the bottom in the last week or so (even though his dad can't really see them). I had Pligs in my house last night. It was so funny, the guy was putting in my high speed internet and boy it just seemed to annoy him to no end that I spoke without being spoken too. He prefered to deal with Aaron even though it is my whole deal. He wasn't openly hostile or anything...it was just really obvious. I am also apparently a great plig insulter. We were in the Costco the other day and Aaron said something rude about my daughter and I was going off on him only to look up and see four sister-wives staring daggers into me, the eldest (who I call the "matron" because she is always much older and looks like a grandmother) looked like she might actually pounce should she be given leave by her husband to do so. Fortunatley, no permission was given, and I was able to walk away and live to disprespect my husband another day.

Still in Limbo

Here again we sit and wait to hear if we can go on with our lives. How can people think it's okay to just hold people in this endless limbo? Why does selling a house have to be so stressful? ARGH!

Crazy Days

Oh dear, mercy me. I am so so sick of not knowing where I am going to end up. I am tired of looking at my life inside these plastic buckets. Oh please oh please just let me find some place to just "be".